Itś me. some time has passed. A lot of time has passed actually. I will try to catch you up to speed. Since my last post I was ranting about how I was being treated as I was waiting to see my Dr. Those were the good days... hahaha. I can go to a Dr now because I don have health insurance and I sure as hell cannot afford one. Anyway, I live in Pryor, Ok now. My husband I found out was in an affair for a whole year without me knowing about it. If truth be told I thought our marriage was the best it has ever been. Talk about embarrassing. In order for me to get this all out I need to start at the beginning for anyone to understand. so, here it goes.
I was born into a white trash abusive family. It was my mom and dad and my two older sisters and my younger brother. My father was a very mean drunk. I mean he beat the shit out of our mom badly every night and forced her to have sex in front of us. One night he had beat her so bad he broke her arm and her two legs. She had to go to the hospital for a stay and we had to stay with our dad. And believe me, he did the same to my sisters and my brother. I cannot recall a time where he was like that to me. They say I was his favorite. Why? I dont know. It killed me inside watching what was happening to my sisters and brother it did. One night he sat my brother on top of the stove and lit it catching him on fire because he was trying to teach my brother how to dance like Elvis and my brother being like 5 or so wasnt cutting it.
The cops were called a lot, but back then domestic abuse was overlooked a lot. I can remember my moms face being bloody as hell and when the cops showed up they saw her and after they talked with my dad for a bit all they would say as they were leaving was to keep the noise down. I grew to hate my mom. I thought of her as weak and pathetic because she never left my dad. no matter how bad he hurt her or my sisters and brother, she never left.
I remember we were always dirty, always hungry, and sometimes going without a home. We slept in the park sometimes or we stayed with our aunt. My childhood was fucked up to put it midly. My mom was very fat and always with dirty clothes on and her hair was always oily. I remember her coming to the school to pick us up and I would tell the teacher that I didnt know who she was. I was embarrassed of her and I hated her for being like that.
Anyway, she finally did leave him, in fact both my parents left us. I was 13 at the time, my two older sisters was living with their boyfriends and my younger brother was still at home. Anyway we came home from school and they were gone. They seperated but each of them had just left. left us in a trailer with no food, no utilities, nothing. I dropped out of school and got a job at the Sonic in town. I lied to them and said I was 16. back then you only needed a social sucrity card to work. You didnt need a picture ID. My brother had moved in with a friend and his family. They were good to him. I was happy about that.
My oldest sister had already had two kids, babies that she left with their father Joe so she could go be with this other guy that she was in love with. Joe and the two babies were staying at the trailer with me. my dad would pop in ever so often. And here is where I made my fatal mistake, Joe was coming on to me and we ended up sleeping together. He became my husband and the father of my 4 kids. I didnt know any better. I was 13/14 at the time. what the hell did i know about relationships.
anywayit got really bad at the trailer so Joe, and I got the two babies and hitched it to where my mom was begging her to let us stay. she did. I was 15 by then fixing to turn 16 when I found out I was pregnant with our first son. The night I went into labor I went to find Joe and I saw him having sex with my mom. I just stood there, frozen. I couldnt move. In that instant I knew that as much as it killed me inside I wouldnt say anything to them. I was more terrified of being a single mom alone at my age than being hurt by what i was looking at. So I turned and walked away and went to the hosipital and Joe came later with my mom.
They didnt know that I knew for years, my mom still doesnt know I know. Needless to say my relationship with my mom never healed.
I went on to have 3 more kids by Joe. He never stopped the cheating. I dont know why I didnt leave as I got older. He slept with everyone I knew. Family, people that I thought were my friends, neighbors, everyone. Each time I would find out, I cried, swore to him that I was leaving and he would always beg me to stay and I did. I loved him so much. Or I thought I did. He always blamed his cheating on me. still does. He said that I wasnt good enough in bed or that I worked to much and was always gone and it made him lonely. It was always something, and always my fault.
all of our kids are grown now. Things had gotten bad for us financially, I was hooked on drugs really bad. So we moved to Pryor thinking that leaving everything behind we could start over. We were staying with Joes oldest daughter for a coulpe of years when Joe got a job at walmart. we finally got our own place. Things were going really good or so I thought until one night he accidently left his phone at home and it was getting a lot of texts. Thats when I found out he was cheating again. This time it was different though... I will tell you how it was different tomorrow... I feel as tho i have been typing forever right now... I will see yáll tomorrow.
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